


Comfort

by SterlingKei



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Josh really needs a hug, M/M, Male Friendship, Men Crying, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Projecting, i really need a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SterlingKei/pseuds/SterlingKei
Summary: Josh is having a really bad low episode and Tyler isn't home to help him at first. Then Tyler gets home and they get through it together.





	Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just a friendship sort of story, but you can take it as them being together too. It's whatever you decide. I just really needed a place where I could vent about some of the things I've been feeling lately. My best friend decided that they no longer needed me about 3 months ago and I'm still healing, so this is one of my ways of dealing with what I'm going through emotionally.

Josh sits on the couch alone. Tyler went out hours ago, leaving Josh with just his thoughts.  
The TV is on, but he doesn’t really notice. He’s staring at absolutely nothing, trying his hardest not to give in to the pressure of his head. 

It’s not working.

He curls up into himself as he lays down, tucking his head to his knees. He’s trying so hard not to cry.  
He doesn’t even know what happened. He was okay then suddenly it’s like everything came down at once. His head swirled with panic as he tried to hide himself in the couch.  
He couldn’t stop the tears from coming. They ran, hot, down his cheeks as he let out sobs.  
He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He just wanted someone to be there with him. Someone, anyone. 

No, not anyone.

He wanted Tyler there.  
Tyler, who had helped him through this before.  
Tyler, who knew about his past.

Tyler.

He sobbed more as he realized that he would probably be going through this one alone.  
That Tyler would come home hours later after this all was over and he would pretend like everything was okay.  
When in reality he hadn’t taken his meds in over three weeks.  
He’d never admit it though, because he knew that it was wrong.  
Realistically, he knew taking his meds didn’t make him weak or pathetic; but it felt so stupid sometimes.  
He took in a deep breathe, only for it to get caught in the back of his throat.  
He sobbed more, realizing he couldn’t breathe, he was choking.

“Why,” he croaked out, snot running from his nose.  
He wiped it on his sleeve.

He’s never looked good when he’s cried.  
He’s always a mess of wet tears and snot that dry on his face and sleeves, leaving white marks that take several washes to get out.  
It’s worse because this is his favorite hoodie.  
It usually is though. The hoodie makes him feel safe. Tyler gave it to him. It’s soft on the inside, makes it feels like he is constantly being hugged.  
He sinks into the hoodie trying to muffle the cries that are falling from his lips. 

He’s hyperventilating now. 

He can't help but feel like this is all his fault. If he would just learn to control it, learn to control his emotions, his thoughts.  
Really, he’s tried. He’s tried everything that people have suggested. Meditating, writing, exercising, eating differently, going to therapy.  
All of those things have helped, temporally.  
In the end, he just has another random panic attack that sends him spiraling down into another low episode.

They used to be a lot worse.

Then he met Tyler.

About 7 months into them knowing one another, Tyler walked in on one of Josh’s episodes.  
Josh didn’t even notice at first. His eyes were too clouded with tears for him to see. It wasn’t until Tyler was right in front of him trying to get Josh to breathe that he realized the other was there.  
It took 20 minutes and lots to tissues, but Josh eventually calmed down enough that he was able to breathe without choking.  
Tyler had been scared; he had never seen Josh struggle like that. He had so many questions, but he knew that then wasn’t the right time to ask.  
That night they fell asleep on the couch, Tyler never leaving Josh’s side.

It’s been 6 years since then, and Tyler has been Josh’s go to person since then.  
Well, it was more of Tyler was constantly checking on Josh after that, and eventually it became habit for them to check on one another whenever anything seemed even the slightest bit off.  
It really helped Josh, just knowing that someone was looking out for him. Made him feel, cared for.  
Not that his family didn’t do that, it was just- different.

But here he is. Tyler is gone and he is alone.  
He is shaking, he realizes, as he focuses on his breathing.

“4-7-8,” he reminds himself.

He has no idea how long he’s been laying here. It’s felt like ages.  
He’s eyes feel swollen, and he knows he should get up, but he doesn’t want to look at himself.  
He knows what he’ll see, eyes so swollen they are barely open, flushed cheeks, and lips that are cracked, probably bleeding. He can’t taste the blood, but he can feel the pain as he breathes out.

Finally, after what feels like hours, he gets up to get something to drink. His feet drag across the floor as he makes his way to the kitchen, and just as he gets there, he hears a click and the door is opening.

Tyler comes in, smiling and carrying bags of food, then he sees Josh. He immediately sets everything down and goes over to him, embracing him in a hug.  
Josh breaks down again, relishing in the feeling of someone’s arms around him.

“Hey, hey you’re okay. It’ll be alright.”  
Tyler’s voice is soft, as he tries to get Josh back to the couch.

Josh sobs lessen as Tyler’s fingers find his hair, weaving through the knots and waves.  
It’s something simple, but to Josh it meant everything. 

They sat like this, Josh’s head pressed to Tyler’s chest, for about 10 minutes, Tyler whispering little reassurances to Josh.  
When Josh had finally calmed down some, Tyler asked him what happened.  
What had happened? Josh didn’t really know. Sometimes he just got- overwhelmed? Frustrated? Depressed? Angry? At what? Himself? He wasn’t sure.

“I-,” he tried, “I don’t know.”  
“I just- I felt- I-,”

Tyler pulled him closer, “It’s okay if you don’t know. Sometimes we don’t. Let’s just focus on getting you something to drink, yea?”

Josh nodded, “yea.”

Tyler got up and went into the kitchen, when he returned, he was holding a bottle of water and ibuprofen.

“I know you get really bad headaches after these, so I brought you two.”

“Thank you.”

Tyler sat back down and put his hand on Josh’s back.

“Josh,” Tyler began, his tone got serious, “I need you to be honest with me.”

Josh looked up at Tyler and his body tensed.

“When’s the last time you took your meds?”

Josh’s heart sank, he knew Tyler would find out eventually, he just hoped he didn’t have to say it out loud. 

“Josh- I know it’s been at least a couple weeks… Because it’s almost time to refill them and the bottle looks like it hasn’t even been open.”

“I opened it!”

“Have you taken any since you opened it?”

Josh went silent, and he bit his lip trying to hold back more tears.

“Hey, hey... I’m not angry or anything. I just need to know right now if you’ve taken your meds.”

Josh hesitated, then shook his head slightly, still not wanting to say it out loud.

Tyler sighed, then stood up, reaching his hand out for Josh to take it. Josh grabbed his hand then let himself be pulled up off the couch and led into the kitchen. He got Josh’s meds down from the cabinet and sat them on the counter along with the water bottle he had handed Josh earlier.

“We are going to start with you taking these,” he motioned towards the two pill bottles, “then we are going to get you something to eat. After that you can decide whether you are comfortable talking about this now or later. But we are talking about this at some point.”

Josh reluctantly took the bottles from counter goes over to the table where Tyler had sat down the food. Tyler watched him as he swallowed both pills then took them back to the cabinet. When he turned around, he saw Josh hesitating to reach for a bag of food. 

“You can have one, I got them for both of us.”

At this, he grabbed a bag a started to take out a burger and fries but didn’t start eating until Tyler sat down, grabbed his, and took the first bite.

They ate in silence mostly, with Josh not really feeling up to just casual conversation. 

When they were finished, they moved into Josh’s room. It was somewhere Tyler knew Josh would feel safe. 

They laid on his bed in silence for a bit, Tyler wanting Josh to feel as comfortable as possible before he brought up the conversation he promised.  
It wasn’t until almost an hour later that Josh decided he was ready to talk.

“Sometimes, I just feel- alone. Even when I have people right next to me. Before I met you that’s how it always felt. It’d been ages since I had a close friend, and even then, it wasn’t like this. And ever since the first time you helped me through one of my attacks- it just felt different. I was scared at first, you know that. I didn’t like getting close to people, because it never went well for me. And even after all this time, I still get scared. I get scared that one day I’m going to wake up and you’re going to decide that you no longer need me. Because that’s how it went for so long. And I’ve gotten so comfortable with you that it scares me more. And these past few months it’s like I can feel everything’s starting to go downhill mentally and that worry just keeps coming back. I stopped taking my meds because it was one less thing to rely on. One less thing to remember to do every day. One less thing for me to get comfortable with only for it to stop suddenly.”

By this time Josh had tears brimming in his eyes as Tyler watched him intently.

“I’ve just been so afraid of losing everything lately, and I know I have no reason to be. But knowing that rationally just makes it so much worse to deal with.”

Tyler watched as Josh broke down in front of him, before pulling him into a hug.

“I am not leaving. You are the best person that I’ve ever met. You’ve dealt with me through all of my shit and I promised you that I’d do the same. This is just another low. We’ve been through these before, and we’ve stuck with each other through them. I promise I will continue to stick through them. Because I know I will never find anything better than what we’ve had these past few years.”

This had Josh sobbing harder, but not out of sadness anymore. Out of comfort. He always forgot just how much he craved touch until he was given a hug. But he hated asking for them.  
He melted into the hug, and Tyler only hugged him harder, rubbing circles in his back. They stayed like this for ages until Tyler noticed that Josh had begun to fall asleep. He smiled, then moved back so that they were both lying in the bed. And they stayed like this, Tyler next leaving Josh’s side. Because they found comfort in one another. 

And right now, that was all they needed.

Comfort.

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to music while writing this, a variety really, but as I was writing the ending, Chasing Cars came on. I feel like maybe it influenced the ending just a little.


End file.
